


Can I Give You What You Need?

by lostin_space



Series: Can I Give You What You Need? [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Early 20th Century, Fluff, M/M, Michael Guerin Week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 04:48:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20718344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Michael is a prostitute in the early 1900s and sees a soldier he likes.-Guerin Week Day 5: always support the bottom





	Can I Give You What You Need?

**Author's Note:**

> This is easily the most smutty thing I will ever write and have ever written, so bear with me. 
> 
> Also I have no idea how to tag this so if you have any suggestions, my ears are open
> 
> Heavily inspired by 1901: Hello Again from Hello Again

"Where you goin', Solider?"

Alex froze as he realized the voice that had been trailing him for the last few minutes had now gotten very close. He looked over his shoulder to see the woman‒or, not quite a woman‒posted up against the dank brick wall of the ally. The fact that he paused seemed to give the person the go-ahead to move closer.

They were wearing a tight-fitting green dress, the end sinched up to show muscular legs in tights. On top was a cloak of some sort that covered most of their face. All Alex saw was a fit body, a chiseled jaw, and red-stained lips. The closer they got, the more manly the features appeared. He gulped.

Alex had heard about these people. These men and women who would hang around the barracks, looking for soldiers to con into their bed. His father had told him to be so very wary of those men in particular. He'd said they would dress as women as a trick in order to defile him, how they would turn him a sinner and a criminal. He'd drilled into his mind forever that lying with a man was the worst crime he could ever commit.

It made it much harder to rationalize why he wanted to so badly.

"I've seen you around, Soldier," he said lowly, a smile slinking onto his lips as he slowly pulled back the hood of the cloak. Alex felt heat pool deep in his stomach. The man was _gorgeous_. 

"I don't have any money," Alex said cooly. The man tilted his head in confusion, a sweet smile on his face.

"Who spoke of money?"

Alex let himself take in the man once again. He knew most men of the night dressed like women, especially around the barracks. Many people would turn a blind eye to seeing a solider alongside a lady of the night but would call it in if it was a man. They were supposed to immediately arrest any whore spotted within a 10-mile radius of them, but that typically didn't happen. More often than not, he'd see his friends threaten women into sleeping with them in exchange for not arresting them. Alex didn't have it in him to do the same, no matter how often he got teased for being a virgin.

It was easier than to explain he just didn't want what they wanted.

"I'm not stupid," Alex said, his eyes drifting to the questionably perfect curls that donned the man's head. His eyes were large and murky, but still beautiful as they seeked to absorb any light that the moon might give. God help him. "I know what you are."

The smirk on the man's face never faded as he tilted his head to the side. "Do you, now?"

Alex had to knock some sense into himself. The longer he stared, the longer he wanted to try it. He would never get another opportunity to be with a man, not like that, not without risking someone finding out and ruining his life. But he knew it was a bad idea to even think about sinning, so he straightened his back once again and tried not to focus on how soft the man's lips looked. 

"You're lucky I haven't arrested you yet," Alex said firmly, trying his best to sound as indisputable as his father. The man just smiled, his face nothing short of kind and welcoming. 

"I'm lucky you haven't left yet," he said, moving closer. Everything his father had ever told him screamed at Alex to step away, but everything that was _Alex_ didn't want to. This man was beautiful and was interested in him the way that Alex had been interested in other men. He’d never met someone who was like him in that regard. He didn't need to be back at the barracks until morning and if he was gone all night, he could easily brag about some woman he'd met and gone to bed with. They'd praise him for it and Alex could keep this as his dirty little secret.

Besides, his father was nowhere to be seen outside of his mind.

"Guys like you are special, you could have me for free. Guys I like don't always have to pay," the man said, his tone softer as he reached out to finger the collar of Alex's uniform. It was becoming harder to remember all the reasons why he shouldn't. He let himself be pulled closer.

"I'll pay," Alex said before he could stop himself. A large smile slipped onto the man's face and he tugged Alex a little closer. 

"I thought you said you have no money," he mused. His back was pressed against the brick now with Alex pulled in close to his front. Alex longed more than ever before to get out of his uniform and to get this man out of his frock. He made a decision in that moment and let his forehead rest against the other man's. Calloused hands slid up to cup his cheeks.

"I have a little," Alex admitted weakly. He had a quarter. He hoped that would be enough. "What's your name?" 

"What do you want it to be?"

"No, no," Alex said, his hands hovering over the other man's hips. He didn't know if or where he was allowed to touch. God, he wanted to touch. "I want to know _you_. I don't... I want this to be as real as possible."

This was his only chance to be with a man. He wanted it authentically.

The man's eyes scanned over Alex's face, almost checking to see how serious he was. Alex hoped he could see that he was. This man was gorgeous, someone that Alex would've loved to love in another life. He wanted to pretend that's what this was, if only for a night. He wanted to be just two normal people together for a moment where everything felt right. It seemed he understood that.

"Michael," he said, his thumb tracing over Alex's cheek, "And you?" 

"Alex," he answered.

"My sweet Alexander," Michael whispered softly and Alex felt like his head was spinning. 

Within a few seconds, Alex discovered the reason why he had always been so drawn to men. He'd kissed before, but only women, so the feeling of a man on his lips was enough to make his stomach drop. Not that Michael was inherently masculine. It was enough for Alex to know he was kissing a man. His breath was stolen from his lungs at the touch, sharp desire drenching him from head to toe. 

"Are you alright?" Michael whispered against his lips and Alex couldn't even open his eyes.

"More than."

Michael's fingers slid into Alex's hair, holding him closer to kiss him a little deeper. Alex melted into him and wrapped his arms around his waist. He could've stayed there all night and all day and all week if he was allowed. Michael's kisses made everything make sense. He never, ever wanted them to stop. He wondered if every man's kisses felt that way or if this was all Michael.

"Come on," Michael whispered, his finger tracing down Alex's jaw and finishing at his lip, "Let's go somewhere private."

He followed him like a lost puppy.

Michael led him a few blocks away, sneaking a few kisses each time they went through an alleyway. Eventually, they found their way to what Alex assumed was a makeshift brothel only a few blocks away from the barracks. On the outside, it looked like a normal home. On the inside, it was clear that Michael wasn't the only whore living there. Alex couldn't even be bothered, not when Michael smiled at him like he did and pulled him into a room where they could be all alone.

It was a very small room, hardly enough space for the bed and lamp that were inside, but Alex was hardly able to notice before he was pulled back into a kiss. Michael was smiling against his lips which had Alex smiling and soon they were both grinning too wide to keep kissing, their noses bumping as hands roamed.

“You want clothes on or off?” Michael asked, slowly fingering the buttons of Alex’s uniform. Alex looked down at the dress on the other man.

“Off,” he said simply. It wasn’t that Michael didn’t look great‒because _god_ he did‒but Alex wanted so badly to be naked with him. He had been naked around other men before, but none he was allowed to touch. He was so eager to touch.

“Good,” Michael grinned.

Alex watched with eager fingers as Michael loosened the tie at the back of his dress and started to pull it over his head. Alex came forward to help, trying not to smile like a little kid whenever he grazed bare skin. The fabric hit the floor with a soft thud and Alex folded in his lips as he took in the bare chest before him. All that was left keeping his modesty was a pair of tights that were so close to being transparent that they might as well have been off as well.

“C’mere,” Michael said softly, skilled hands cupping his cheeks as he moved in for a kiss. It was slow and deliberate. Alex jumped slightly whenever Michael slowly licked into his mouth for the first time. He’d never felt anything like that before. It was weird and slimy and he wanted him to do it again. Still, Michael let out a soft giggle at his reaction. “You’re so cute.”

“Do you treat everyone like this?” Alex wondered softly, letting his hands rub up and down the man’s thin sides. He was being awfully soft and careful, nothing like he’d heard of whores before. Especially not the men. They were all supposed to be seductive deviants who could con you into doing things you didn’t want and then stealing from you. Michael was… not that.

“No,” he answered honestly, shaking his head just a little bit though enough to brush their noses together, “But I like you. You’re nice.”

“I’m not nice,” Alex said. There was nothing nice about wanting to touch another man. His dad said it was evil. Evil isn’t nice. Michael slid his hands over Alex’s chest, holding his face gingerly all over again.

“You are so sweet. And kind. And cute. And nice.” Michael gave him a kiss between each compliment, drawing out a smile from him all over again. He wanted this forever. Even if he wasn’t allowed to have this forever.

Alex considered asking if every kiss from a man left him feeling like he was on fire, or if that was only Michael. The problem with that was that he was sure Michael didn’t have the same feeling. How embarrassing would it be to say he was falling in love with the kisses of a male whore?

Michael did the tongue thing again and Alex clutched his hips. He did his best to mimic his mouth movements and it seemed to be enough. The itchy tunic was pushed off his shoulders once Michael got it completely open, letting it fall to the floor haphazardly. The voices in his head that were put there by his elders screamed at him to pick it up and fold it, but the loudest one, the only one that was _his_, told him to pull Michael closer. So he did.

There was something overwhelming about the sweet smile on Michael’s lips and Alex let his hands slip into his hair, tugging gently even as he held him close. He’d never felt his skin against someone else’s like this. Everything felt so good, so right, that he could hardly find any worries as he struggled to kick off his boots without letting go of the boy in front of him. Michael laughed, peeling off of him just long enough for him to tear his boots off before clambering back together. 

Michael’s hands caressed his hips and his back and his shoulders. For the first time in his life, Alex felt wanted. Every other moment, he was overwhelmed with worry that he was being nothing more than a burden. With Michael, though, he felt like he was meant to be there. He assumed that was his job, but it was so easy to pretend with him.

“Are you okay with this?” Michael whispered against his lips as he undid the buttons of Alex’s stupid uniform breeches. He nodded. As Michael tugged them down, Alex looped his thumbs between the waistband of his tights.

“Are you okay with this?” Alex mimicked. A wide smile found Michael’s face and he nodded excitedly. 

In seconds, they were both bare and it should’ve been the worst thing in the world. He should’ve been embarrassed. He should’ve felt shame. Instead, he’d never felt more like a man in his life.

They met in the middle, their foreheads pressed together as idle fingers traced over bodies that weren’t theirs. For a moment it couldn’t even be considered sexual, it was honest fascination. Michael’s ribs were more prominent than Alex’s and his collarbone was more prevalent. Alex’s chest and stomach were dotted with hair while Michael was either impeccably clean-shaven or never grew any in the first place. Michael had clear lines on his hips that seemed to form an arrow downward while Alex had nothing of the sort.

Alex let his eyes slowly drift shut as he gently let his fingers slide down Michael’s hips and down the front of his thighs. He could hear the other man gulp. It instantly made his eyes open and he looked at him in the eyes. Michael nodded.

“So,” Michael whispered, his breathing slightly faster than it was before as Alex kept letting his fingers wander, “How do you want to do this?” The first thought that came into Alex’s mind was confusion on why he was asking. He’d never heard anyone have this conversation, never read of anything having this conversation. Though he supposed he never really heard of people asking for permission at all.

Which led to his very stupid answer.

“I want to be the man.” 

Michael let out a soft laugh, his hands sliding over Alex’s shoulders and cupping his newly red cheeks. “Between us, there is no man and no woman. I don’t like that thought. There are a million different ways to do a million different things regardless of what you call yourself. We are just two people sharing an experience.”

Even through his embarrassment, he knew he just wanted to be around Michael all the time. He didn’t want to think like soldiers and his father thought‒he wanted to be comfortable. The way Michael thought was comfortable. He wasn’t shameful or different or wrong, he was just a person who was living. He wanted to live.

“Okay,” Alex said easily, nodding as he melted into Michael’s touch again, “Then how do I say what I want?” Michael smiled easily, 

“Well, do you want to give or receive or would you like to do neither?” Michael asked. Alex furrowed his eyebrows, rubbing up and down his sides.

“I don’t understand,” he said, “How do you do neither?”

Michael smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “We can just… touch.” 

For a moment, Alex didn’t understand exactly what he meant. What was the point if you didn’t do anything? However, Michael dropped his hand from his face and put it securely between Alex’s legs. _Then_ he understood.

“Oh,” he breathed and Michael let out a sweet little giggle. “I-I would still like to give, but…”

“Yeah, of course,” Michael responded, keeping his hand where it was as he moved in for a kiss.

Alex tried to kiss back, but it didn’t really work. He found himself just clutching onto Michael’s body with his head bowed against his as Michael moved. Alex had touched himself before‒even though that was _also_ a sin‒but nothing compared to someone else doing it. Michael slowed to a stop before he could finish and met Alex’s eyes with nothing short of pure desire in him. 

“Why’d you stop?” Alex whispered, his mind dizzy and fighting the urge to grab himself if Michael didn’t blame on continuing. The man raised an eyebrow.

“Do you want it to be over now or do you want it to continue? Because I can finish you now,” Michael offered, but Alex shook his head. He wanted to drag this out as much as he could.

So, Alex mimicked him again, grabbing between Michael’s legs and instantly watching shock turn into easy pleasure. Somehow, watching Michael slowly let himself go against his touch felt even better than being touched himself. He found himself so turned on it almost hurt.

After a few minutes, Michael surged forward with a hot, desperate, intoxicating kiss. Alex took that as a sign to stop touching him between his thighs and moved his hands to wrap his arms completely around him, pulling him in as close as their bodies would allow. It was everything. This was the meaning of life if there ever was one. 

Eventually, Alex found himself actually using one of the condoms his commanding officer had forced on the entire base. He was very tired of losing soldiers to diseases given to them by the whores they slept with. Alex never thought he’d ever use one. Yet, here he was.

He traced anxious fingers over Michael’s back as he laid on the bed. While, for the most part, he’d been relatively confident with everything they’d done, he was now feeling almost scared. He had no idea what to do. He’d seen more than he’d like when it came to some other soldiers who had no shame in bending a girl over a table in front of a crowded room, but that was it. And the last thing he wanted to do was something wrong or hurt him.

Alex took a deep breath and grabbed his hips. He would just try what he saw. He could do that.

“Wait,” Michael said before he could put his thoughts into action. Alex immediately let go and moved away. He watched as Michael reached into the little drawer in the side table, pulling out a little container. “Here, use this.” 

Alex grabbed the container and stared at it as Michael returned to lie on the bed. He tried to figure out what to do with it, he really did. However, staring at the bare body in front of him that looked nothing short of heavenly, he couldn’t come up with a purpose for it. 

“Use this for what?” he asked quietly. Michael looked over his shoulder with a soft laugh, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He sat in front of Alex, smiling widely up at him as he gently touched the back of his thighs.

“It helps. Look, you trust me?” Michael asked. Logically, Alex should’ve said no, but he nodded nonetheless. Michael pulled him a bit closer. “Relax as much as you can.” Alex did as he was told. “So, without it, it can be kinda uncomfortable.” Without much further warning, Michael pushed a finger inside him and it pushed Alex onto his toes. It was indeed uncomfortable. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it wasn’t exactly pleasurable.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. Michael smiled and removed it, letting him relax again. He took the same finger and dipped it in the little container Alex was holding. 

“This helps it go in easier so you can focus on the good feeling rather than tightness or pain. Either way, you should be careful. It’s very easy to get hurt,” Michael explained.

“Have you ever been hurt by someone who wasn’t careful?” Alex asked, genuinely curious. He didn’t know too much about the ins and outs of sex; he wasn’t aware that you could actually be hurt by it. Then again, he never asked. Michael looked up at him with hesitation on his face before he nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m alright now,” Michael whispered. They stared at each other for a moment before Michael shook it off. He reinserted his finger into Alex and this time, even as he went onto his toes again, it made a lot more sense. For a moment he wasn’t sure if it felt better because he knew what the expect or what, but it was enough to understand. He _really_ understood it whenever he let himself drop to his heels again. And apparently it showed on his face because Michael laughed. “You still wanna be on top?”

“Yeah,” Alex whispered, feeling a coldness mixing with the heat in his stomach as Michael pulled away. It didn’t last long, though, because he took it upon himself to coat Alex in the oil.

Then he found himself again staring at Michael’s bare ass. He thought about how tight it had felt with Michael in him and figured that going from nothing to an entire erection was a large jump, so he dipped his fingers in the oil as well. Alex knelt between his spread thighs. For this, he didn’t have much of anything to mimic. He just had to watch Michael.

“Is this alright?” he asked, slowly pumping a finger in and out of him. Michael nodded, tucking his arms beneath his head.

“You can add another one,” he said, so Alex did what he was told. He watched Michael’s face as he moved, watched his eyes close and his breathing settled into something so controlled that it was unreal. Because of that, after a few moments, he added another. Michael breathed deeper. He fidgeted just a little bit, letting out the world’s softest moan that had Alex confused if he wanted to keep going or if he wanted to just cuddle up with him. “Move a little faster.”

He kept going.

“Sh-should I add another, or…?” Alex asked. He really tried to keep his voice steady so he could sound less nervous, more sexy, but he only had so much control in that. Michael hummed.

“Depends on what the goal is.”

“Huh?”

“Well are you tryin’ to stick your whole hand up there or what?” 

“No,” Alex laughed, seeing Michael smiling just the same. He felt so lucky for a moment in time before he had to remind himself that Michael wasn’t his to feel lucky about.

“Okay, well, you can give it all to me now, if you want. Whatever you want, Alex,” Michael insisted. Alex shook his head, still moving his hand as he leaned forward to press a kiss between the man’s shoulder blades.

“Tell me what _you_ want,” Alex whispered. Michael was silent for a moment and Alex just stared at him, waiting patiently.

“I want you,” Michael answered simply. So Alex did what he was told.

Michael thankfully reached behind him and helped Alex guide himself inside. Then it was up to him. He moved slow at first, trying to gauge what the right way to do this was. But it felt so impersonal. Michael wasn’t facing him and it was hard to really _see_ if he was enjoying it. It sort of took the fun away. Not all of the fun, but some of it.

“Is there anyway I can see your face when we do this?” Alex whispered. 

“You want to see my face?”

“Yes. If you want to see mine.” 

Alex pulled out completely and ignored the throbbing desire that ached across his whole body. He was so fucking eager, but he wanted this to be good. He wanted to have something to remember whenever he had to sleep with his wife one day, as cruel as it made him feel. He just wanted one night where he felt free.

Michael turned around, looking just as eager as Alex felt which made him feel some type of way. He was beautiful.

“Hook your arms under my knees,” Michael instructed and Alex followed suit. It took them a moment to make it comfortable, but they eventually did. “You alright?”

“Perfect.”

Michael gave him a sweet smile and welcomed him back inside with a guiding hand.

Things moved a lot more smoothly after that. Alex got the benefit of being inside Michael while watching him touch himself, his back arched as moans spilled from his lips in a much more pleasing manner. It was all-encompassing and overwhelming and Alex loved every single bit of it. He did his best to douse him in kisses the best he could on any patch of skin he could reach. His favorite place was easily his lips, pressed together but hardly able to do much other than pant and moan into each other’s mouths. In any other situation, it would’ve been revolting, but Alex found it to be nothing short of a reward. 

He didn’t last long. He fell onto the bed beside Michael after he came, breathing heavy with tired eyes as he watched Michael still working to get himself off. As tired and drained as he was, Alex took over. Michael’s eyebrows were knitted together and his eyes were shut tight, jaw dropped haphazardly as he seemed to completely just give into Alex. It was enough to wake him up again.

Michael came in an admittedly messy way through a groan as Alex kept on until it was over, kissing across his neck all the way. They laid there for a moment afterward, the stickiness on Alex’s hand and Michael’s stomach not seeming to bother either of them as they laid there. Alex found comfort in laying with him, unintentionally cuddled up to his side with his nose tucked against his jaw. 

Fear fell over him though when Michael moved away. Alex watched him hesitantly as he wiped off his stomach with a towel he grabbed from beneath the bed and then gingerly wiped down Alex’s hand as well. The fear only went away when Michael got back in bed and urged Alex to lay with him beneath the thin layer of sheets.

Micheal looked picturesque, his tan skin contrasting with the white sheets that draped over his hips. He knew that he couldn’t have been nearly as pleasing a sight to see. Regardless of that, he got a warm smile and a chaste kiss to make him feel even better. 

“So, be honest,” Alex said softly after a moment of silence, “How bad was that?” Michael’s eyes lit up and he laughed.

“Who said it was bad?” he asked. Alex rolled his eyes, unable to even kind of act frustrated especially when Michael scooted closer. Their knees knocked beneath the sheets and his heart started racing. 

“It was obvious that was the first time I’d done that. You don’t have to lie,” Alex said. Michael shook his head.

“It really wasn’t bad. You could use a little practice, but it was far from the worst I’ve had. You’re a very… _considerate_ partner.”

“Considerate?”

“You seemed to actually care if I was enjoying myself.”

“Of course I did. What would I get from it if you weren’t?” Alex asked. A wild smile slipped onto Michael’s lips and he moved his bicep beneath his head. Alex hadn’t realized how muscular he was. He regretted not acknowledging that before.

“You are a peculiar young man.”

“Young man?” Alex sputtered, his nose scrunching in laughter, “We can’t be that different in age.”

“I’m twenty.”

“I’m older than you!” 

“How old?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Hardly,” Michael said, grinning so wide it seemed to hurt his cheeks. 

Alex wanted to touch him so badly, but he wasn’t sure if he should or could. He was close to asking for permission when Michael slid his foot up the side of his calf, hooking their legs together and pulling him close. That seemed like confirmation enough. He reached up and combed his fingers through Michael’s curls, tucking them behind his ear before letting his hand slide over his shoulder and down his side. He was so soft. 

“Who was the worst?” Alex asked, still trailing his fingers across Michael’s skin. He could feel chills rise on him, but he kept on.

“Why?”

“I want to get to know you,” Alex admitted, shrugging his shoulders. Maybe he was doing things backward, you were definitely supposed to get to know someone before you get naked with them, but he wanted to know Michael. He was liking him more and more by the second. “Why not start with mocking someone else?”

There was something in Michael’s eyes that Alex didn’t recognize. It was close to shock, but Alex had already seen that on his face earlier. This was something entirely different. It had Alex questioning when the last time someone wanted to get to know him was.

“Okay,” Michael said softly, his hand reaching out to Alex’s hip where he rubbed circles with his thumb, “I can’t give you a name, he paid me handsomely to keep that to myself, but I’ll say it was a senator.”

Alex’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “You’ve had a senator? No.”

“Yes,” Michael chuckled, seeming to get lighter once again, “So many men in power have nasty little things they like to hide. More than a few have the same one of paying to sleep with men.”

“You think sleeping with men is nasty?” Alex inquired, raising an eyebrow. Michael scrunched up his nose and shook his head.

“Not at all. But they think it, so they make it so,” he explained, “But this man was… cruel. He was so very mean and, and some people _like_ that which is alright when they tell me. If they tell me, then it can be controlled, but this man and so many men like him will just force to get what they want. But he wasn’t even any good at all besides that. I’m still not sure how he got anywhere with what he did to me.” Michael didn’t seem as upset as the words said he should’ve been. It was a strange mix. Alex squeezed his arm gently in comfort.

“At least it’s over.” 

“Oh, it barely even lasted long. He may have been cruel, but he was hardly cruel for all of 10 minutes from the time he walked in to the time he left,” Michael snickered. Alex joined along with him.

“Okay, how did you even get here? How does a young man like you end up in a brothel?” Alex asked. Michael nearly barked a laugh, moving close enough to nudge his nose against Alex’s in some of the most stomach-churning actions of affection he’d ever received.

“_Young man_,” Michael teased, pressing a kiss to his cheek before he settled back on his arm, “It’s not a brothel, Alex. You’ve clearly never been to a brothel. I guess you could call it a whore house, that’d be closer, but even then this is just our home. Mama owns it and we pay our way to stay here, like paying rent. It’s got five bedrooms and an attic that Mama has split four ways for a few of us, but it’s just a house.” 

“Okay,” Alex said, knowing a stupidly large smile was on his face, “Then how did you end up in this house?” 

“I was a street kid,” Michael said, growing a little more serious. A little. “I don’t actually remember how that happened, don’t remember my parents and don’t remember ever being in an orphanage, I just know I was on the street. I assume someone had to watch out for me before I was able to do it myself, but I don’t remember. I was real charming though, I know that. I could sweet talk any old lady out of a few pennies, any baker out of a loaf of bread. Stole what I could, though, to get by. Few of the girls here would feed me if they had the money for a while, but when I was seven, I met Mama. She liked me, said I was too charming to grow up on the street and wanted to teach me, so she took me in. She would take a couple hours out of her day to teach me to read and write and get well educated, said I couldn’t stay charming if I grew up stupid. Kept me fed, clothed, housed, and well read. Couldn’t be more thankful to her than I am.” 

Alex pushed away the sympathy he had for his sad upbringing. Michael had shown he was more than a little adverse to Alex’s sympathy. “Then why aren’t you doing something more? You’re strong, you could be doing more than being a whore. You could’ve joined the army.” Michael sucked in a deep breath.

“No offense, Soldier, but there are a million things I would do before I donned that uniform of yours,” Michael said and Alex couldn’t find it in him to argue. The only reason he joined was because his father hadn’t given him another choice. “I’m a farmhand during the busier months, when they need me. That just only pays so well and in the cold months it doesn’t pay at all, so I had to do something else. Besides, I don’t mind this. Most of the people who pay me are confused men or lonely women.” That caught Alex off guard and he froze. The idea that Michael wasn’t actually interested in men hadn’t even crossed his mind. Had he chosen the wrong person to let go with?

“Women?”

“Yes, typically ones who aren’t being satisfied by their husbands or are widowed and simply want someone to hold for a while. Mrs. Holland from a few doors down pays me to come sit with her and read for an hour once a week. It’s not so bad,” Michael explained, but that didn’t answer his concern. Though, Michael seemed to realize that after a moment. “I fancy both sexes, Alex.”

He blinked a few times. “Both?”

“Yes,” Michael chuckled, “So many people seem to think you’re either alright or you’re a sin and I think people would change their minds if they allowed themselves to see it isn’t like that.” Alex nodded, going back to gliding his fingertips over his side.

“I wish I liked both,” he answered honestly. Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

“Why?”

“Then life would be easy.”

“Who says that?”

“Everyone.” 

Michael shook his head, moving his hand to cup Alex’s jaw and they met eyes for a moment. “Not me. Life is only easy if you start listening to what you want.”

Before Alex could come up with an answer, there was knocking on the door. He turned to it in confusion.

“Michael,” a woman asked, concern clearly lacing her tone, “Is everything alright in there?”

“We’re fine!” Michael called back, not-so-discreetly scooting closer so their elbows bumped together if they moved. Alex still stared at him with a confused face, though he enjoyed the closer proximity. “They check on me if someone stays too long in case something bad is happening. They mother me. Mama said it’s good for them, though, so I let them.”

“Good for them?”

“I don’t know,” Michael shrugged, “I don’t question her.”

They fell silent for a moment, but it wasn’t for nothing. Alex’s eyes flickered across Michael’s face, getting caught on his lips over and over. Michael seemed to be doing the same and eventually closed the space between them. The kisses were lazy and slow and forced Alex to face the fact that they felt world-ending worthy. He shouldn’t love these kisses so much. He did though. He loved them. If he let himself feel foolish, he could find love for the man who gave them as well.

“Do all men’s kisses feel so…” 

“No,” Michael said softly. The feeling Alex got when he realized it was mutual was indescribable. Michael’s hand moved up to hold the back of his head as he pressed another kiss. And they kissed for awhile, the overwhelming feeling never seeming to go away. In fact, it felt even stronger now that Alex was aware it wasn’t going to lead to sex. It was just because he wanted to.

The kisses slowed to a stop and they laid in silence, pressed against each other like they were made for it. Their breathing was matched beat for beat and their hearts were just the same. It was all too perfect. He wanted the world to stop so it would keep being perfect.

“Tell me about you,” Michael whispered, still holding him close. Alex made a small, pathetic whine as he woke himself up from the dormant state he’d been in for who knows how long.

“I’m in the army,” he said. Michael huffed a laugh through his nose.

“I know that, tell me something I don’t know.”

Alex shrugged slightly. “There’s nothing interesting about me.” It was true, there wasn’t. He’d grown up in a house with a mother, a father, and three older brothers. He got picked on for being small, but that was pretty much the only thing that stood out about him. Everything else was a little too All American.

“I don’t believe that,” Michael insisted. Alex racked him mind for anything that might be interesting and only landed on one thing. He opened his eyes before he dared to say it.

“I’m not white,” he whispered so softly, so scared someone might overhear. Michael opened his eyes too, but he didn’t seem to be turned off by what he was saying. “My mother is a native, but she lied when she and my father got married. She told the officiant that she was white and I have to tell people I’m white so no one finds out.”

“Why?” Michael asked, his fingers fiddling with the hair at the back of Alex’s neck.

“Interracial marriage is illegal here,” he answered simply, “People have to lie if they can.” 

“I think you’re beautiful. Every white and non-white part of you is beautiful,” Michael said easily, “Everything about you is beautiful, down to your core.”

Alex shook his head slightly, though a smile pulled at his lips. “You hardly know me.”

“This isn’t the first night I saw you, you know,” Michael admitted. That woke Alex up a bit more. “You’re always the only soldier who isn’t mean to the people on the street. I saw you share your food with one of the little girls who is quite good at stealing money right out of men’s pockets. She didn’t even try to steal from you. That told me you were a good person. When I saw you alone tonight, I had to take my chance.” 

“I’m glad you did,” Alex whispered. He couldn’t remember the exact moment Michael was mentioning, but he knew he’d shared food with a few different homeless children since he arrived at the barracks. 

“Me too.” 

Things were easy. They spent the rest of the night talking about everything and nothing, learning each other far too well considering they were a soldier and a whore. But they couldn’t help it. There seemed to be something unspeakable that drew them closer and got them to do things and admit things they really shouldn’t have. Alex told him of his older brothers and how they had all married young and seemed to hate their wives and he was scared to do the same. Michael told him how he dreamed of one day properly studying science. It went on and on until the sun rose.

“I should get back to the barracks before I get in trouble,” Alex whispered. Pulling himself out of Michael’s bed was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wanted to curl up in bed with him and sleep forever. 

“I enjoy your company, Alexander,” Michael said, rolling onto his stomach once he was in bed alone. He looked tired and the sheet barely covered the enticing curve of his ass. Alex struggled focusing enough to get back into his uniform.

“I enjoy yours too. I’m sad it has to end,” Alex told him honestly. Once he was dressed, he knelt onto the bed and pressed a meaningful kiss to his lips. Michael followed him when he pulled away, ending in a sitting position and looking genuinely upset that he had to leave. Alex’s heart ached at the sight.

“Wait,” Michael said, “Can I see you again?”

Alex stared at him for a moment. The first answer that came to mind was yes. _Yes, please yes_. See me every day, every night, every hour. Kiss me until I can’t breathe anything that isn’t you. Except he couldn’t say that. He was a soldier. He had no idea how long he would even be stationed here and he definitely didn’t know how long he had until he was shipped out to fight. He couldn’t risk starting up a relationship with a man, much less a whore. It wasn’t smart. He was always taught to be smart. Besides, this was only supposed to be one night to let himself have what could never be. Just one night.

“I don’t think that would be wise,” Alex said. It didn’t take a clever man to see the disappointment on Michael’s pretty face.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even asked. You’re a soldier,” he said, forcing a smile. It wasn’t like any of the ones he’d gotten in the last few hours though. It wasn’t sweet. Neither was the glassy texture in his eyes. It was too much.

Alex fished for the quarter in his pocket and laid it on the bed for his payment. Michael instantly shook his head, though he bowed it and kept his eyes out of sight.

“I don’t want your money,” he said. Alex’s heart was in his throat. He wanted to do something, but what could he do? He couldn’t carry out a relationship with a man, he would get caught and they would get in trouble. Incredible, horrible trouble. It wasn’t an option.

“In another life, I would love to see you again. To see you every moment of every day and to kiss you in each of those moments,” Alex whispered. Michael sniffled and rose his head.

“In another life, you would still be a soldier and I would still be less than,” Michael replied.

Alex gulped as he stared at the man in front of him. Was he being stupid? Was he putting fear over the chance at something incredible? He’d heard of men living together platonically before, maybe they could do that. Maybe they could have something. Maybe they could lie to everyone.

Alex had been lying to everyone for years already, what was a lifetime more?

“No,” he said, capturing confidence he didn’t know he had, “You’re not less than me.”

“I believe I am,” Michael said, holding up the quarter with a blank face. Alex moved in close again, kneeling on the bed and taking the quarter back.

“I will see you again. No payment. Just us. Just two people sharing an experience that is no one else’s,” Alex said. Michael just kept staring like he didn’t believe him. Alex moved closer, pushing into his space in a way that he knew might be crossing a boundary. Michael didn’t shove him away. “It can’t be often and I can’t promise it won’t be risky, but you said those kisses were unlike any other. Why would I waste kisses like that when I found them on a man so beautiful and kind? I want to see you again.”

“I don’t feel I believe you.”

“You don’t have to,” Alex said, “Just expect to see me again and I swear to you that I will prove that expectation correct.” 

“You should go back to the barracks, Alexander,” Michael whispered, though the smallest of smiles was hinting at his lips. He seemed to believe him a bit. Or, at least appreciated his efforts.

“I shall,” Alex said, pressing one last kiss to him. One last kiss for now. “Goodbye. I hope you dream of me.”

“Until we meet again.”

“Until we meet again.”

Alex left feeling like the man his father had always told him he could be. One who knew what he wanted and got it no matter what stood in the way.

A man indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
